the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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