Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
