is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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