addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
