She's JV to your varsity
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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