this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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