His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
