yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
