I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize