well I can't set my house on fire every night
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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