I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
