I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
