"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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