oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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