in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
