I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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