she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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