She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
