Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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