Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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