Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
