are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
