I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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