who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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