I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
