All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
