he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
