If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
