Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
