I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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