Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Randomize
