Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
