WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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