I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
