Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
