So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
