If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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