it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
