Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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