the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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