Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
