fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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