big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
