You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
