i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
