four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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