i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
