It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
she peed on how many people?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
