And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
