There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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