So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
