i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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