My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
