First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
