You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
