You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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