you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
