Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
