We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
