she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
