I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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