woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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