I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
