Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
