my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My life is pants optional.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
