I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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