I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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