I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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