If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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