i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
