Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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