dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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