i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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