Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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