I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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